Sometimes I feel like I’m in my own version of Groundhog Day because I keep having the same conversation with all of my male friends. Let me clarify, all of my college educated African American male friends. And what conversation you may ask….interracial dating. Now before we get started into this “hot topic” let me just say I am not a racist….HOWEVER I do believe that America was and still is a racist country and we [African Americans] would be fools if we didn’t realize that we must do more to protect our future and remember our past.
Now back to the conversation, almost all of my friends have no preference on what race their future wives will be. And this “love has no color” revelation comes after either attending a predominantly white college or entering the workforce because before these incidents they were all about their black queens. They state that the African American ladies who attend their school don’t take pride in their appearance. Or they work in an all white office, so why not? Well, there were plenty of black men on my college campus who I wouldn’t have given a second look and I’m ALWAYS the only black girl in the office, but not once have I ever thought about spending my life with anyone who didn’t look like me…as do most of my female African American friends.
I guess my hurt and sometimes anger comes from the lack of loyalty frequently coming out of the male African American community. It is a common tale that when a black man “makes it”, he needs a white (or other) woman to complete it. Or what’s even worst is they want a white (or other) woman with African features (big butt, big lips..oh I’m sorry pouty lips) as their better half. My blood pressure rises just a little everytime an entertainment news show comments on Kim Kardashian’s ASSets or Angelina Jolie’s mouthpiece. HELLO…NEWSFLASH that shit ain’t new we’ve had (without surgical help) those things for years.
It seems that most black women were raised to stand by their black man (no matter what) so it stings when we are so easily cast aside for something new and seemingly different. I'm not saying that you can't fall in love with someone outside of your race or background but why purposely look outside of your race or background? This is a form of self-hate. How can a person be good enough to raise you but not enough to marry you?
I’m sure this blog entry will cause a wide array of comments so let yourself be heard.
Without the Sauce ~ Applelonia
4 comments:
Right on Applelonia! I'm not against interracial dating but I know that one a brother makes it, nine times out of ten he will get him a nice little trophy white wife. It kills me. And for those of you that are movie goers- how did you feel about Sanna Lathan's character in The Family That Prays acting like a typical goldigging hoe for her rich white man??? The movie was good, typical Tyler Perry good, but that scenario did not sit well with me at all!!!!!
Stay Tuned Cause We're Juicy- Peaches
Aight ladies, here's my two cents on the topic.
Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with crossing the "racial lines" when looking for a mate. I'm a black man with a black girlfriend/future wife/future mother of my children, but I also have a mother who has been with her white boyfriend for 15 years, a bi-racial little sister and a bi-racial god-daughter and i absolutely believe that if it is "real" then we have no control nor should we try to control who we love or who we're attracted to.
Now I do agree that it becomes an issue when you have men AND women who say, "well i only date white men" or "I only want an asian woman". That's descrimination which by definition makes it wrong EVEN if you're saying "I only like brothers/sisters".
The cats who "make it" and find success and then end up with those "trophy" wives are often victims of their environment. Most times it's the athletes we're talking about and from high school through college and the pros, these guys are surrounded by "groupies" who are typically white and that becomes what they're used to and what is easy for them. Does that make it right? Absolutely not but I don't think it's as basic as them making money and then turning their backs on the sisters. But I'll stop rambling now.
Good stuff, keep it up ladies.
"Big Cuz"
I think this is so true!! We try to be honest, respectable, look beautiful , but still these African American males go after theses others. I don't understand because our race comes in many shapes, sizes, and favors of the ice cream. I think it is not the African American females but males that can not handle a strong female.
First I want to say that I love this blog!! But as far as interracial dating goes, I think that it is fine because we all have preferences.its not only skin. its a black mans strength, and his "dominance" (wink-wink)and confidence that you just won't find in other races. While there are some good looking white guys out there, I personally have a hard time finding guys who are lighter than me appealing. I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what you like and going for it. I do think that when people make sweeping generalizations like "i don't date black women because they are loud, ghetto and controlling" its very offensive because I being a very classy young black woman, after al my accomplishments, dont want to be reduced to the project chick with 9 babies and 8 baby daddies screaming at you for child support. Evey woman is different and just cause your mother was ghetto, doesnt mean that all black women are the same. I once met a gorgeous black man who was 27 and had NEVER dated a black woman. I found it hard to have any respect for this type of man because he is not even willing to give his own women a chance. not even interrested in exploring the differences- and there are many. I find them spineless because they are more afraid of us than anything.
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